Are You a Man Magnet? How to Attract the Love You Want

Do you ever feel like you'll never find "The One"? Have you been involved with a string of selfish and inconsiderate commitment phobes? Or, are you divorced and bitter, certain that in the love game, you've been dealt a bad hand?

Read on. There is hope that you will find what you want most deeply--a good relationship with someone who loves you dearly. 

The path of true love has never run smooth for me. Until a couple of years ago, my relationships ranged from blah to bad, with a few happy moments early on. I just wasn't a good picker, I guess. And once I was in, I would struggle to "make it work" only to end up resentful that my needs were at the bottom of the pile. 

But that's all different now. In the middle of middle age, I found and married my true love. He fulfills me on every level. He is kind, intelligent, very funny and yes--hot.

What changed? Well, after my second (!) divorce, I realized that I was still attractive, vibrant and young enough to find a new relationship.  I still wanted to. None of that bitter, "All men are bastards," divorcee-crap for me. And this time I wasn't going to settle for Mr. Dysfunction. No sir. 

I guess I went through a little mini-renaissance. I stepped up my visits to the gym, grew my hair and bought a bunch of cute clothes. My friends commented that "I glowed." Yeah. Getting out from under that draining relationship brought me back to life. 

Lesson #1: Being true to a positive you is the best revenge.

I went out on the town. By myself, if I couldn't get a girlfriend to come along. I was scared at first. I stood by my car at the local pub for at least ten minutes. Then I thought, "Heck, if I don't like it, I'll have one drink and leave. What's the big deal?" So I went in and had a great time. Ran into some friends, danced, got asked out to dinner. 

Every week I went out at least once. Sometimes I couldn't get my single friends to go. "I want to stay in and watch a video." Hello! You won't meet anyone in your living room!

Lesson #2: Get out there, even if it is outside your comfort zone. Especially if it is outside your comfort zone.

Once you're out--or anywhere, work, running errands, etc.--cultivating an approachable demeanor is key. I thank author Mama Gena for this one. She talks about appreciating each man you meet. That means smiling. Saying hello. Thanking them when they open the door, 'cause they will now. 

If you walk around, eyes straight ahead, the walls up, lost in your little world, you won't meet anyone. There could be tons of great guys everywhere on your daily path. You just don't see them. I was asked for a date at the auto parts store while buying a windshield washer blade. I asked a nice guy's advice, he helped me and even installed it for me. Then he asked me to go for a drink. Unfortunately I couldn't, as I was getting ready for a dinner date that night. 

Of course, use your good sense. If you're walking a dark city street you might not want to say hello to those thugs in the alley. 

Lesson #3: Be open, friendly and approachable. Treat men like potential friends, not "the enemy."

That brings me to a key point. How many women have you heard bad-mouth men? "There are no good ones left." "Men suck." "All men are dogs." Yeah, some are not good partnership choices. I know. But having a bad attitude toward men, being suspicious and bitchy, won't bring you love. Nice guys don't want to be around a negative, nasty woman. 

There are a lot of good guys out there. Check out a personals site. Maybe you won't find anyone who cooks your noodle, but read the profiles. There are a lot of lonely, regular guys who just want to find a good relationship. Most of them are victims of the marital wars, too, only they had the dysfunctional spouse. Believe it or not, there are a lot of whacked out women who dump on nice men. Then they freak out when he finally divorces them. My honey is in that category. 

Lesson #4: Having a positive attitude will help you attract positive people.

Another key step is identifying what you want. I read something that said to list the five top traits you were looking for. Mine were: intelligent, compassionate, good sense of humor, mature and "a doer." I also threw in "good father" as most men in my age bracket are dads. I figured someone who is a good father is likely a caring, responsible adult. Very attractive. 

Lesson #5: You have to know what you want before you can find it.

Meditate on the kind of relationship you want, too. Picture it. Someone who is good to you. Someone you trust. Someone loyal who likes you. Like a friend with real benefits. If any doubts or fears crop up when you think about this, work on it. You may have blocks that are preventing you from finding love. Like, you don't think you deserve it. 

Lesson #6: Believe yourself worthy of receiving as well as giving love. 

Good luck in your quest. All I can tell you is, these lessons worked for me.